Moan for me like Helen Keller
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Randomize
