Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
