That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
