my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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