Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
My bed smells like the plague
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
