No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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