because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
