Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
