booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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