Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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