This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
