420 ftw
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
3 2 1 whiskey
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
