Betty ford says i'm here all night
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
you inspire me to be a worse person
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
