Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
