I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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