his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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