Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
