Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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