i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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