I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
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