Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
