I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
