in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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