I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Randomize
