Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
