omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
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