Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Come share oat with me in your robe
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
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