her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
