I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
My ATM looks so different sober.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
