I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
