before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I smell like Dick and happiness
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
