new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Randomize
