Where is the hickey?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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