let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Randomize
