yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
