his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
