I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
