So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I didn't notice because vodka
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
So vagazzling was a success
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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