Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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