I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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