Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Randomize
