turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
