The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize