I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
