Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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