New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Randomize