Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize
