Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
