I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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