If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Randomize
