my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
