youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
