You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
