Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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