hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
No I am not eating basil off your cock
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
