Where is the hickey?
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
he shaved USA in his pubs
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Randomize
