in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
