You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
This house was built for laser tag.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
