Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
