I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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