tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
