i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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