Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
