you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
