we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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