dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
