who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Randomize
