You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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