Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
