you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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