Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Randomize
