do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
