Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize