he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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