what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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