i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
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